The Siberian Candidate

Although with the 2016 general election the fate of the free world hangs in the balance, really, who doesn’t hope Donald Trump is a Russian injection into our political system? It would explain a lot.

Seen dispassionately, how else could that empty vessel of a man best substantial, seasoned conservative standard-bearers? Where the others presented positions, Der Trump skated on slogans, insults, innuendo, and non-sequiturs.

“We have people looking into that,” “It’s been said …,” and “I’ve heard from plenty of people …,” and other phrases that trail off chasing those that Reagan let meander on the Pacific Coast Highway aren’t points that can be parsed but serve as vapid prompts. His listeners complete the blanks to further their own dissatisfaction. That lets Der Trump off the hook. Millions of ears hear the same prattle yet each interpret his hot air differently.

Nonetheless to mention that to each it confirms Der Trump shares opinions they also hold.

Who knows whether he does or not? Besides generalizations and threats, he’s issued nothing specific. There’s an overabundance of “what” with Trump, and a paucity of “how.”

How did the GOP find itself led by one of the biggest, selfish, egotistical, preening charlatans our society has ever produced? Surely even in our tabloid-fired pop culture merely appearing on television and habitually spouting exaggerations can’t be enough to stand a major national party on its head? Can it?

No one should foolishly believe the best candidate among the Republicans offered won the nomination. Their right-wing to reactionary stances notwithstanding, nearly all the contenders Trump bested had governing or legislative experience. Outsider as he fulsomely promotes himself, would Trump the businessman entrust some valued asset of his enterprise to a complete novice whose only credentials were mouthiness and ambiguity?

The question answers itself.

Therefore, fanciful as it is, why not blame the Russians? Aided and abetted by an American media which seemingly has sacrificed reliable journalistic procedures for ratings, clicks, and simple chattering class attention. At least before instantaneous communications the desire not to be scooped by rival bore an admirable, if not occasionally scurrilous, perfume.

Otherwise the alternative should frighten us all regardless of political affiliations.

Isn’t Russian complicity in Der Trump’s rise preferable to believing that a sizable segment of Republican voters found favor in him on their own? Rather than the rotten fruit of some nefarious plot cooked up in the twisted bowels of Moscow, an electorate here gazed into the pinched, scowling, orange visage of Der Trump and heard clarions in his disjointed appeals where conscious America recognized the discord in his harangue? What sort of mindless fears cripple listeners who concluded his diatribes matched their concerns?

The first two reasons why people might’ve voluntarily wasted honest votes on Der Trump are mental defects and suicidal tendencies. A third is abject desperation.

Suddenly high levels of lead in the brainpan and incredibly massive urges to relive the die-out at Jonestown aside, how can so many presumably responsible Americans support Der Trump? Despite the decline of American Civilization every right-wing barking head incessantly parrots, our nation, by any standards, generally places high in the desirable categories. And while there’s a certain nostalgia for the always improving past – something about simpler times never fails bringing out the sappiness in people too lazy or stupid to understand every current day issues complications appropriate for that time – the present has and tomorrow will deliver more appreciable advantages and advances.

There are developments no amount of Joseph Goebbels-like loud repetitive lying can deny. The United States is not in decline. The United States is not enduring a crime epidemic. The United States mustn’t contend with foreign hordes massed on its borders intending to swamp our still great nation.

The few real threats we face are, on the whole, quite manageable.

This fright Der Trump has tapped into, mined, exploited and used to pollute our public discourse isn’t of the hysterical variety. Give him this: his supporters aren’t for the most part red-in-the-face frothers. They’re just scared people further unnerved by a good salesman. Except Der Trump is selling self-loathing instead of workable solutions.

A fair number of those who’ve bought his sour treacle, at least the ones not adhering to intractable reactionary talking points, can and do offer cogent explanations behind their backing him. While these validate their stances it does nothing to soften their error.

That so many Americans could back a candidate best known for fraud, bankruptcy, bluster, a television show which gleefully feeds sadism, a personal life designed for tabloid gawking, as well as that thing atop his head after rejecting a raft of serious experienced opponents declares segments of America as dysfunctional.

One hopes it’s all a fad. One which we pray will fade with cooler more reasonable weather in which to reason clearly.

So, no. Let us prefer Der Trump’s thus-far success to have issued from Moscow. Imagine a cadre of former KGB apparatchiks (all long-time buddies from the same rat-bastard frat at Petrograd State) using devious subliminal methods abetted by heavily fluoridated water to transform the least qualified, utterly untrustworthy, immature showman, an ignoramus stupidly proud of his ignorance, the most selfish and vain candidate ever to lark upon the American political stage, making the waking nightmare of a Trump presidency palatable.

Better to have such a menace imposed upon us from abroad than having created this Buzz Windrip ourselves.